Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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