i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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