We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Too much gin, very little bucket
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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