I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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