im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
soo... how was my night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
