im six kinds of drunk right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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