when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
