At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
