did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
