Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
