Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
