Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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