why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
