Can i not drive my cunt home
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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