at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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