I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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