I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize