I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
