Sry I called you an 8
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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