**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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