How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize