sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
