Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
