I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
