we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
God gave him joint rollers for hands
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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