She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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