The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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