I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Let's get the cat blown out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
