It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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