I need to stop coming to work sober
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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