she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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