Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We're too hungover to prance.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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