On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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