How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
