I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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