I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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