Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize