Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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