Duck Duck Cougar?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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