Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
