Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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