Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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