My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
