i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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