this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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