That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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