What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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