just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
