so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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