I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
