Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
