"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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