The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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