I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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