Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
