I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
