I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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