i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
