things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Mom said you looked used
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize