I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
