I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize