when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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