I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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