You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
