dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
