I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
