i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
